You just got served. Now serve

"For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus' sake." - 2 Corinthians 4:5

"For we never came with flattering speech, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed- God is witness- nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority." - 1 Thessalonians 2:1

I am going to begin this post with an excerpt from my journal-

August 26, 2009
Father, I ask for discernment in the following idol: idolizing being used by You in a way that I may feel good about Your work. I have to ask myself the following questions: Am I wanting to be used by You for my own glory or for Your glory? Am I wanting to be used by You, so I can feel more self-worth? Do I want to feel like I have a special gift, so I can feel more self-worth? Do I really want to be a glorified Earthly vessel or a Heavenly-glorified and Earthly-embarrassing vessel that serves You only? Am I really willing to discomfort my life for Your glory? Father, in Your timing help me to answer, "For Your Glory" with everything in my heart. Please do an open heart surgery on me to make me more humble and create in me a servant's heart. Not my will, but Yours, oh my Savior.

This may seem like an extremely specific and almost unnecessary prayer, but I find my answers unsettling sometimes. Here is what I catch myself wanting: Sometimes I just want to see what Jesus is doing in my life, so I can feel part of His mission (This is in terms of evangelizing and sharing the Gospel). You may say, "Jason, this is a pretty legit want." I would say to an extent. Here is what I mean: I used to find myself wanting to share the Gospel, simply to feel that I am doing my part and being productive for the Kingdom.

I hope you can see what's wrong with that desire. It is a desire for myself and for no one else. It is a desire to check something off in the list of things to do in the Christian's handbook. It's RELIGION. The selfishness comes from the fact that, I will gain pleasure from the act itself and not because the person I might be talking to will gain something.

How can I stop these selfish desires? I think it starts with having a Biblical depiction of Heaven and Hell and a sense of urgency. Once we realize that people do go to Hell, and Hell is a horrific and eternal life of suffering, we fight for the people we love. I will go a few days with out even having the slightest thought that the people I talk to may spend eternity in their own sin exponentially growing and causing an unrelenting suffering.

Christians can only do so much. There is nothing in our speech that can turn someone away from self and to Jesus. I have begun pleading with Jesus to go on a rescue mission for these souls. It is in intercessory prayer that I believe I defeat my selfishness. Once I realize that nothing about me apart from Jesus will ever be able to lead people to Him, and I plead for Him to work because He is mighty to save.

God truly answers prayers. I even pray that He will give me a love for nonbelievers, so that I can pray for them. If I can get to a place where I am praying for these people 90% of the time and talking to them about Jesus only 10% , I feel my heart will be truly wanting their good and not my own.

You see, I used to just want to help people just for the sake of helping people. This is great and all, but without the driving power of the Gospel I am not really helping them. I am just performing works. This is what I wanted to do in a job. I would say, "I just want to help people." What does that even mean? Help them feel good about themselves? Make their lives easier? Again, I have to rewire my humanistic motives to a Christ-centered mission. If the reason I am helping someone is not so that they know Jesus then I am doing absolutely no good. Every altruistic action I do must come from the driving mission for them to know Jesus. This is not just for nonbelievers, but for my brothers and sisters too. In living as "little Christs" we imitate our Savior. It's called "Stuntin' like my Daddy"-Lil Wayne.

I pray I move through the muck of my pride and desires for affirmation and just serve because I have been served. That's right "You just got served," by the Lover of our souls, the King of kings, the Lamb of God, the ultimate Subject of God's wrath for those who believe, and His name is JESUS. So, just like the LAW was written on a stone tablet, Jesus has written Himself on our hearts, and just like the LAW was a message to the Israelites, we, ourselves, act as letters from the Cross to every person we interact with (2 Corinthians 3:2,3).