You just got served. Now serve

"For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus' sake." - 2 Corinthians 4:5

"For we never came with flattering speech, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed- God is witness- nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority." - 1 Thessalonians 2:1

I am going to begin this post with an excerpt from my journal-

August 26, 2009
Father, I ask for discernment in the following idol: idolizing being used by You in a way that I may feel good about Your work. I have to ask myself the following questions: Am I wanting to be used by You for my own glory or for Your glory? Am I wanting to be used by You, so I can feel more self-worth? Do I want to feel like I have a special gift, so I can feel more self-worth? Do I really want to be a glorified Earthly vessel or a Heavenly-glorified and Earthly-embarrassing vessel that serves You only? Am I really willing to discomfort my life for Your glory? Father, in Your timing help me to answer, "For Your Glory" with everything in my heart. Please do an open heart surgery on me to make me more humble and create in me a servant's heart. Not my will, but Yours, oh my Savior.

This may seem like an extremely specific and almost unnecessary prayer, but I find my answers unsettling sometimes. Here is what I catch myself wanting: Sometimes I just want to see what Jesus is doing in my life, so I can feel part of His mission (This is in terms of evangelizing and sharing the Gospel). You may say, "Jason, this is a pretty legit want." I would say to an extent. Here is what I mean: I used to find myself wanting to share the Gospel, simply to feel that I am doing my part and being productive for the Kingdom.

I hope you can see what's wrong with that desire. It is a desire for myself and for no one else. It is a desire to check something off in the list of things to do in the Christian's handbook. It's RELIGION. The selfishness comes from the fact that, I will gain pleasure from the act itself and not because the person I might be talking to will gain something.

How can I stop these selfish desires? I think it starts with having a Biblical depiction of Heaven and Hell and a sense of urgency. Once we realize that people do go to Hell, and Hell is a horrific and eternal life of suffering, we fight for the people we love. I will go a few days with out even having the slightest thought that the people I talk to may spend eternity in their own sin exponentially growing and causing an unrelenting suffering.

Christians can only do so much. There is nothing in our speech that can turn someone away from self and to Jesus. I have begun pleading with Jesus to go on a rescue mission for these souls. It is in intercessory prayer that I believe I defeat my selfishness. Once I realize that nothing about me apart from Jesus will ever be able to lead people to Him, and I plead for Him to work because He is mighty to save.

God truly answers prayers. I even pray that He will give me a love for nonbelievers, so that I can pray for them. If I can get to a place where I am praying for these people 90% of the time and talking to them about Jesus only 10% , I feel my heart will be truly wanting their good and not my own.

You see, I used to just want to help people just for the sake of helping people. This is great and all, but without the driving power of the Gospel I am not really helping them. I am just performing works. This is what I wanted to do in a job. I would say, "I just want to help people." What does that even mean? Help them feel good about themselves? Make their lives easier? Again, I have to rewire my humanistic motives to a Christ-centered mission. If the reason I am helping someone is not so that they know Jesus then I am doing absolutely no good. Every altruistic action I do must come from the driving mission for them to know Jesus. This is not just for nonbelievers, but for my brothers and sisters too. In living as "little Christs" we imitate our Savior. It's called "Stuntin' like my Daddy"-Lil Wayne.

I pray I move through the muck of my pride and desires for affirmation and just serve because I have been served. That's right "You just got served," by the Lover of our souls, the King of kings, the Lamb of God, the ultimate Subject of God's wrath for those who believe, and His name is JESUS. So, just like the LAW was written on a stone tablet, Jesus has written Himself on our hearts, and just like the LAW was a message to the Israelites, we, ourselves, act as letters from the Cross to every person we interact with (2 Corinthians 3:2,3).

Not my will

And He said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" And I answered, "O Lord God, Thou knowest." Again He said to me, "Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, 'O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.' "Thus says the Lord God to these bones, ' BEHOLD, I will cause breath to enter you that you may come to life. And I will put sinews on you, make flesh grow back on you, cover you with skin, and put breath in you that you may come alive; and you will know that I am the Lord.'" Ezekiel 37:3-6

And He withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and began to pray, saying, "Father, if Thou art willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Thine be done." Luke 22:41,42

These two verses, but mainly the second one, have been some of the most inspirational and difficult words to hear come from God. I will start with the verse from Ezekiel. This verse helped me get through the month of May. Not many of you know this, but during this month I was having severe acute headaches when I would lift weights. Being precautious I immediately sought out a neurologist. I saw a neurologist, and appointments for a CAT scan were immediately arranged. Got the CAT scans, but they were done incorrectly or not documented right, so I had to go back to the hospital to make sure everything was done right. Obviously everything is fine and I have not had any more headaches since (it was probably due to dehydration, low blood sugar, or incorrect breathing during sets). Now in describing the whole month this was happening, it seems fine and dandy- like it happened in this quick, happy-go-lucky way. This was not the case in the slightest. Every day I was being attacked with thoughts and delusions of brain cancer, aneurysms, etc. You see there was a lot of waiting in this process and the whole thing really took a month and a half to get settled (imagine what it could have been like with universal healthcare- sorry, not a fan). Essentially, in my delirium and attack, I was preparing myself to die. It sounds ridiculous, but that's what happens when you are waiting for test results.

During this time, I was going through a lot of spiritual warfare, and it is this verse that defeated it. When it says, "And I will put sinews on you, make flesh grow back on you, cover you with skin, and put breath in you that you may come alive; and you will know that I am the Lord," I just realized my life has nothing to do with me. God has breathed life into me! Notice in the verse it says that the Lord breathed life into the bones twice. Not only has He breathed life into us to become alive in a mortal state, but He has breathed everlasting life into us also (if you don't feel comfortable with that verse analysis, I would check the commentaries because it came through my own understanding and study). What does that mean for the circumstance I was in? It means that my life is not my own, Jesus has paid for it and He can do anything He wants with it. He is the one allowing my lungs and diaphragm to continue pumping oxygen into my blood. He is the one who has sparked the love of Christ in my heart. He is the one who gets to do with whatever He wants with my soul, mind and body, and because I know who He is by the Holy Spirit through His word, and I trust Him with my life.

It is a serious claim to "trust Him with your life." This leads me to discuss the next verse. Jesus says, "Yet not My will, but Thine be done." You see, this is EXACTLY what it looks like to trust God with Your life. If you can honestly, wholeheartedly say not what I want, but what You want, that maybe one of the surest signs of your trust and devotion to your Father. You see, I can say this about some things in my life, but honestly, I can't say this about most. What these verses did well was allow me to lay the things I held dear at the feet of my Father. This however, was to help me cope with the fact that I could have a brain tumor. Now that I don't have that diagnosis and am feeling healthy, it is a different different story, my friends.

You see, the things we lay down and have to give up at our Father's feet are the idols and sins in our lives. "Oh God, help me get over drugs. Oh God, help me to trust You in school. Oh God, help me to trust You in this relationship. Oh God, I give You my anxiety of getting a Job. Oh God, help me to be more holy." Besides the drugs, these are all prayers I have prayed in my life. However, in my time of waiting and war, the idol I was releasing to Him was my picture and dream of a family. Even though I was able to say, “Do what You wish with me,” when I was thinking something drastic was going to happen, now that it looks like I could be sticking around a little longer, it is incredibly harder to say the same thing with such certainty.

You see, God doesn't have to give me this at all. He doesn't have to bless me with a wife, and He doesn't have to bless me with children. I have this problem of thinking because I feel I was made to be a father that I will be one. Now please know I am not saying it is bad to desire these things, but I have to ask myself why do I desire these blessings? When good things become ultimate things, that is idolatry, and for most of my life I have idolized the idea of having a family. It actually comes from a very practical observation. Early on, I noticed that worldly success, fame, and fortune will not make you most happy but having a family will. So, do you know what I did? I pursued a family like someone would pursue success, fame, and fortune. I did however try to fit God in that pursuit, but I think we all know that God doesn't fit into anything, because He is EVERYTHING. So that's what I did. I pursued family rather than God by trying to get a job that will help me support a family, rather than utilize the God given gifts He has given me. I also pursued family rather than God by consuming my life with relationships so that I could marry.

This idol is just as deep as the idol of knowledge, and I would say it's rooted in me much deeper. When God reveals just how messed up your wiring is, it doesn't take a quick day to fix. No No No. My Dad has taught me about cars that an electrical problem is usually the hardest and most tedious problem to fix. Sometimes you may have to completely rewire the whole thing, and with sin and idolatry that is ALWAYS the case. So, again, just because I know the problem, doesn't mean I am fixed. This will take some time to work out, but by the grace of God, through the Holy Spirit, because of Jesus Christ, my circuitry will be made new. He is not only the Great Physician but the Great Mechanic too! har har har.

The rewiring begins with Jesus- that He knew He was going to be put to death and still prayed not My will buts Yours! He knew He was going to suffer! He didn't want to go through any of that. I mean would you? He trusted and loved His Father so much that He confidently prayed in this manner.

Ya know, I was thinking I would talk about readying yourself for a life where you completely dismantle and release your idols. For example, in my case, maybe realizing oh I should prepare myself for a life of celibacy because it is an idol in my life. I think the Spirit just revealed to me that that is just ridiculous. It is ridiculous for this reason: In the context of family, God has given us these relationships to help us understand Him more! This is how we/I should seek family- so that I can become closer and know God more! I will explain. By becoming a father you see deeper love for your children you have never known before. It is a hint of how the Father loves us. By becoming a husband you may come to realize how hard it is to live by grace. You see your reluctance to forgive and therefore, worship Jesus because He didn't think twice about lavishing this grace upon us. By becoming a wife you come to your husband in humility and ask for forgiveness, and he hopefully is quick to receive you. You worship Jesus because He is quicker to receive you (Of course this works vice-versa- husbands sinning against wives and wives forgiving).

You see, in a perfect world a family is a picture of the Trinity. The Trinity is love, plain and simple. For eternity sharing love is what the Trinity has been doing. This is where we get love. The love of the Trinity is so full and amazing that the Father has spilled it out for us through His Son by the Holy Spirit. This is amazing! This is the GOSPEL! And for those who are in Christ Jesus, we will be sharing in this love for the rest of eternity!

So this is how I, with the help of the Spirit, have to rewire my life. I cannot make family an ultimate thing because I know for a fact that because it is a finite entity it will never truly fulfill me. Instead, I must see family as a means of helping me understand the relationship I have with the Trinity, but at the same time knowing that I have already been given the Holy Spirit to be a partaker of the love of God! "And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who was given to us"- Romans 5:5! I have to seek Jesus in everything I do! I say not my will but Yours be done, Father! You have saved me, breathed LIFE in me, and I am yours to do with what You wish. But whatever it is I will know the love You have given me, and that is all I want to know.

"The heart is an idol factory"- John Calvin
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/doctrine/worship-god-tranforms

Jesus had to die because of this...

I have absolutely no idea what I am about to write. It's just one of those nights where I have a million things are going on in my mind, and I may not be able to go to sleep because of it. First of all JESUS CHRIST is completely amazing. I recently listened to a sermon (what! Jason, you listen to sermons?) talking about idolatry. It was specifically idolatry in ministry, as it was being preached at a pastor's conference. But the thing is I was COMPLETELY guilty of all of it. So I think I am going to write about the idols in my life that have kept me from the love of Christ.

The most prominent and current idol is the idol of knowledge in my life. This has been going on for most of my college and post college years. I love deep Christian books. I just do. I love getting new and different information on Scripture to help my walk. It's probably the main reason I'm just not that patient and knowledgeable when it comes to the Word. This is a huge sin in my life. It leads to arrogance and pride, and I have to check myself so much. When I am debating or talking about Christianity, I HAVE to make sure I am not doing it to look and sound knowledgeable, because everything in me wants to be recognized. I absolutely hate it. I cannot not tell you how much I want to be recognized. I'll tell you where I think it started. When I was a kid I drew all the time. I mean I was drawing Ernie and Bert from Sesame Street at like 2 years old. From then on through school, church or anywhere else, I loved being recognized for my visual arts ability. In high school it probably shifted to wanting to be recognized as a "good/moral person." And in college and now it is wanting to be recognized as a "knowledgeable person of the Bible." This is something I have realized I have to fight. You see before Jesus tackled my heart, I was completely idolizing Theology more than I was idolizing Christ.

It is only by the Holy Spirit can I see this sin in my life, and just because I see it doesn't mean I don't have to fight it anymore. I firmly believe that sin can be conquered, and by the Holy Spirit given to me through Jesus Christ this will be accomplished. But there is SO MUCH work to be done on me. Romans 13:14 says "Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts."

This is how I combat this idolatry and every other one I have. Mark Driscoll says, "Any theology that leads to arrogance and pride is idolatry." When I become prideful of anything I may know and then want to share that to someone in hopes of looking like I have it together, that is idolatry. I MUST PUT ON THE HUMILITY OF CHRIST. I tell myself that Christ gave up part of His divine knowledge to grow up just like I did. He set aside His divinity so that He could add to His humanity. When I say He set aside His divinity I don't mean that He gave up being God. Christ Jesus is God with us and there is no argument about that. He allowed Himself to go through the pains of being like us, having emotions like us, being tempted like us, and He did this all so that He could sympathize with us. Hebrews 4:16 says, "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weakness, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin." Jesus has gone through everything I have gone through and MORE.

Another application that I have felt change my heart is submitting to the Holy Spirit. When I invite the Holy Spirit to work through me, I am basically saying, "Okay, so in no case ever will the knowledge and understanding I have be able to change someone's heart. Oh Holy Spirit, because of the sacrifice of Jesus, You have been sent to me to speak through me and use me. I don't change the hearts of man. You do."

It really is incredible how much I make good things ultimate things, and then pride is created from that. My pride is ridiculous. It might be the worst of sins because it can cause so much damage. It got Satan kicked out of Heaven. It caused Adam and Eve to disobey God. And it murdered Jesus Christ. Realizing that my pride is exactly the type of pride belonging to the pharisees will humble you really quickly. Not only did Jesus have to die for my sins and idolatry, but I am exactly the type of person who killed Him! Oh all the glory and praise belongs to You, Lord Jesus. When I yell Crucify Him Crucify Him, You plead to the Father to forgive us for we know not what they do. Thank you.

This may make completely no sense, but I am tired now so I will be able to sleep. I'll probably write about another idol of my mine next time. I'm thinking family is next on the list. Peace.

Like hinges straining from the weight

Honestly, I have no idea where to begin, and I need to write down everything that's happening! I will begin with my trip to Europe.

First of all, it was the most spontaneous thing I've ever done in my life, and I was feeling pretty unsure about the whole thing because I did it so hastily. Only by His grace was this trip just plain amazing. I could tell you about everywhere I went and all the things I saw, but if I wasn't with the people I was with then it would have only been so good. God used each one of them in a special way in my life, and I am so thankful for their faiths and testimonies. What He woke me up to the most is that people who hate their sin and love their God talk about Him whenever they can. Flat out, and it's not weird! I used to feel like there was a designated time for Jesus talk; like maybe after church or prayers at the beginning of the meal, or when someone is going through something really hard. Mainly this was because I just didn't have much to talk about. Now what I'm not saying is that because we are Christians we should religiously make ourselves talk more about Him. I think the song "God With Us" by Mercy Me puts it perfectly:

"Sweet release, from the grip of these chains. Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing. All that is within me cries. For You alone be glorified Emmanuel, God with us. My heart sings a brand new song. The debt is paid these chains are gone. Emmanuel, God with us."


Like hinges straining from the weight- that's what it's like to be consumed with the love of God. Do I do this all the time? No way. But when I talk to someone who loves Christ and we talk about our first and only love then it puts something in you that this is what you have to do for the rest of your life. If you don't feel like you have something to talk about, talk to someone about that! Ask God to reveal Himself to you and He will never decline. By the grace of God, through His Son Jesus Christ, with the Holy Spirt acting in the Body of Christ we can come to a point where we say, "ALL that is within me cries!" We scream, we cry, we laugh, we whisper His glory! This is how He created us! Piper says the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. When we communicate how the happiness of God has been injected into our heart we are glorifying His Name! We are not talking about what we have done in our walk with God, but what He DID and what He is DOING. I don't know about anyone else, but this is when I feel most alive, and I need YOU to keep me accountable! I need my brothers and sisters in Christ! I'm sure you've heard of putting God back into the schools. Lets put God back in the lives of Christians (corny I know)! Every minute of every day is my suggestion!


And this can be accomplished so well with prayer! We all have something we are thinking about and praying about. How about let someone know about it! I am the worst at this. Just because I know what I'm supposed to be doing and can tell you about it, doesn't mean I'm doing it. Help me! I need to believe in prayer more. I need to pray to my Father and I need you to help me to do this. Mark Driscoll says we HAVE to view God as our Daddy and pray to Him in this way. Our prayer lives become so much more incredible when we realize we can pray to our Father about ANYTHING!

Okay. I think I'm finished for now. That got a little bit more intense than I thought it would, but I'm fired up, so that's always a good thing =D Please pray for me!

"I came to save. You want to play?"

The title of this post comes from a new pastor I have been listening to named Matt Chandler. He is a 34 year old lead pastor at The Village Church in Dallas, and sounds like Dane Cook and John Piper put together (Hilarious and extremely convicting at the same time). At the time of listening to this sermon, I was feeling like I was coming off the "spiritual high" I had been on the last few months. I put spiritual high in quotes because I really don't like to call it a spiritual high. It sounds like this realization that my sin is crucified with Christ and the cost it took to do that will only last another few months or something. I don't know about you, but I am not going to set myself up to fail. Sure, I might forget these things if I stop spending time with Him. Godliness doesn't just happen to fall in our laps. It is pursued actively. We are always swimming up stream in this tolerant culture.

Basically, this feeling was telling me there is something on top of realizing my sin nature, seeing the love of Christ, and finding the communion with Him given to me. What else could there be?! I know that's what I was thinking, but God was about to show me. It was this:

The Cross saves us FROM something, and the Resurrection saves us TO something.

Um what did you say? I have never had something just completely stare me in the face but was so unable to see it. I was unable to see it because I was making my relationship with Christ about me! Some of you are like umm duuuhhh Jason, you know Christ did defeat death right? Well of course I know that, but again was I living it? No. Am I living it now? Of course not as much as I should be, but I hope I'm on the right path.

I will describe my conundrum (I spelled that right the first try) like this: I was so caught up in the crucifixion of my sin, that I forgot about the resurrection of my body! Focusing on what Christ did and what I didn't do in my salvation is such an awesome place to be, and in no way am I saying the state I was in for the past few months is place we should never be. I think we should preach ourselves the Gospel everyday! However, let us do that, but then be empowered by it! It is the fuel of our mission. The resurrection of our body is telling us something. This world matters. If God is has made me a new person and is making my friends and family new also, He is probably doing a lot more than that. I get so stuck in myself and my sin problems and then how Christ redeems me. Notice the most common word in that last sentence. ME, MYSELF, MY SIN. This continual mentality turns my relationship with Christ into a self-help process.

Matt Chandler describes it like this: God says, "I came to save. Do you want to play?" There is something about this statement that just makes me want to scream, YES! I see it like we have been at preseason practice for the last few months and it is almost time for the season to start. The coach comes into the arena and says who wants to play? This is what we have been working for! But the awesome thing is God has already won the game. Wait if He already won the game, why do we have to play? Because we love Him and this is what He created us for! Even though the game is won He still wants us to play! It's the only thing that will fufill the hunger that we have been developing over preseason! (Not to mention that He has commanded us to do so)

So what is the game? The game is to make our world new. The human race has been trying to do this in everyway possible (vaccinations, the Green cause and almost anything to better ourselves). What I think is hilarious is if evolution is the mode of life, then why are we trying to save the weak? We should let the natural world kill off the weak! Are we doing this? No, because that is "inhumane." Where do you think this feeling came from? It is how God created us! We already intrinsinctly implainted with His mission. This world matters, and the Creator of everything and nothing wants us to be apart of the renewing of not only ourselves but the renewing of everything sin has infected. The Apostle John gives us something to work towards:

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the first heaven and the first earth passed, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adornded for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, 'Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.' And He who sits on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new' And He said, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true.' " Revelation 21:1-5

This doesn't start when we die and go to Heaven. This started when sin entered the world, and I need to get in the game.

The Cost of My Life

"Either as elder brothers or as younger brothers we have rebelled against the father. We deserve alienation, isolation, and rejection. The point of the parable is that forgiveness always involves a price - someone has to pay... Our true elder brother paid our debt, on the cross, in our place. There Jesus was stripped naked of his robe and dignity so that we could be clothed with a dignity and standing we don't deserve. On the cross Jesus was treated as an outcast so that we could be brought into God's family freely by grace. There Jesus drank the cup of eternal justice so that we might have the cup of the Father's joy." - Tim Keller, The Prodigal God

I watched The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (LW&W) on Saturday morning before I started the rainy weekend. Besides the typical inaccuracies that are a given when watching movies that are based off books, The Chronicles of Narnia movies do a sufficient job of keeping to the story and theme of the novels. Even though they may add complete new scenes or take away others, whenever Aslan is present in the film it is identical to what happens in the book. This is awesome to me, because almost anything Aslan says or does can be backed up with scripture.

So Edmund, the younger brother who is considered a traitor because he helped the white witch, has been rescued by Aslan's troops and brought to be reunited with his brother and sisters. Shortly thereafter the White Witch comes to claim the traitor. She says, "You know that every traitor belongs to me as my lawful prey and that for every treachery I have a right to a kill." This is the law of the Deep Magic created at the beginning of everything that Alsan himself was a part of. She continues to say, "He (Aslan) knows that unless I have blood as the Law says all Narnia will be overturned and perish in fire and water."

My favorite part of the dialogue is when Susan (the older sister) asks, "Can't we do something about the Deep Magic? Isn't there something you can work against it?" The response in the book is this:

"Work against the Emperor's Magic?" Said Aslan turning to her with something like a frown on his face. And nobody ever made that suggestion to him again.

What an incredible set of events C.S. Lewis has provided for us in his book. First is the demand that the Law or Deep Magic must be kept and fulfilled. You mean to tell me that the most powerful perfect being ever known cannot change the law or "work against it?" If He created it why can't He amend it? What I love is that, Susan along with the rest of the human race wants to perform works to appease the law. This is not how God made it. John 1 says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." God doesn't change Himself. He is perfect. The Law that is found in the Word is perfect, because it is God's will.

This debate in LW&W demonstrates the fact that we have sinned and rebelled against the Law and God, and someone HAS to pay. You might say well it wasn't us that sinned against God and therefore we weren't the cause of His wrath. We may think because we weren't present before the crucifixion it doesn't apply to us. This is completely wrong. Not only are we sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, but He knew us before we were formed in our mother's womb. He knows the sins we are going to commit against Him today and what we are going to do against Him tomorrow.

The next events I noticed in the movie cemented just how costly our lives really are. Aslan speaks with the witch alone, and all of us familiar with the story know what he did. He agreed to take Edmund's place on the Stone Table, where he would be killed to fulfill the laws of the Deep Magic. This, however, is not yet revealed to us in the movie. What is revealed to the audience is the shear sadness and depression painted all over the lion's face. I don't know how they made a computer-generated lion look so completely miserable and hopeless, but they did.

This is the picture I missed for so long. I'll tell you where I went wrong. My thinking, which I describe as unconsciously lazy and unwilling, basically used to say, "Jesus is God, so He already knew what was going to happen, and therefore it was easier for Him to die for us." I don't think I ever used this as an excuse or even knew I thought it, but it was definitely an underlining tone of my theology.

This is not the case in any sense. There was NOTHING easy about the cross. Jesus was God, but He was made man. He had all the same emotions I have. He is completely man and completely God. This is impossible sounding, but that's who Christ is. Even though He had the knowledge of God and had the big picture, He still didn't want to be physically whipped and tortured. He didn't want to be nailed to a cross, where His shear body weight would nearly suffocate Him from hanging for so long. But the physical torture is not even close to what He was dreading the most.

Not only did God as a man have to face the torture and suffering of this world, but He had to face the wrath of God. If the answer to those who God punishes is Hell, and Hell is a state or place without the love and communion of God, and Christ screams, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" then Jesus, the only perfect man who never sinned against His God, was taken into a state of Hell and died like that.

Imagine that you did nothing wrong your whole life, and you had this wonderful family who loved you so much, and you loved them so much. You spent all your time together and knew each other so well you were almost one person. Now imagine that you become sick, but you don't feel sick at all. You are totally fine, but yet you are still dying and you know your time is ending. However, the family you were so close to is nowhere to be found. Not only are they nowhere to be found, but you know that they are ashamed of your sickness. They hate the sickness. They want nothing to do with you or the sickness that you don't even feel! You only feel the shame of the sickness. You long for them to tell you they love you and that they will stand by your side as you die, but they never do. You die completely and utterly alone.

When Jesus says, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death (Mat 26:38)," I think I can barely understand what He is going through. He knows He is about to lose the love and communion with His Father, who He has spent His WHOLE life worshiping and adoring. Because of the sin of this world we can never understand the relationship Christ had with His Father, and not until we meet Him face to face will we even have a taste of that relationship. And this chance one day to dwell in our Father's house is what Christ accomplished for us when He chose to die and lose everything He ever knew.

If we accept that Christ completely died on our behalf and that because of Him and only Him we have a bridge to our Father, He will NEVER look at us with shame that we deserve. He will NEVER leave us to live or die alone. He will NEVER let our sickness take prisoner of our lives. He will ALWAYS call us His children. He will ALWAYS look at us in adoration. He will ALWAYS love us even though we will worship things other than Him.

I recently came upon this verse:

"I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said, 'Here am I, here am I,' to a nation which did not call on My name. I have SPREAD out My hands all day long to a rebellious people, who walk in the way which is not good, following their own thoughts." Isaiah 65:1,2

This is what Christ did for us. He spread out His hands on the cross for a people who hated him for no reason. Someone had to pay, and Christ did it willingly and lovingly.

All of life is repentance (turning to Him)

"To find God we must repent of the things we have done wrong, but if that is all you do, you may remain just an elder brother. To truly become Christians we must also repent of the reasons we ever did anything right." - Tim Keller, Prodigal God

"It is only when you see the desire to be your own Savior and Lord - lying beneath both your sins and your moral goodness - that you are on the verge of understanding the Gospel and becoming a Christian indeed...It's called the new birth because it's so radical." - Tim Keller, Prodigal God

Do you want to know what I used to say and think? I used to say, "Ya know, I think some people just sin less than others." What? "Yea, I mean look at how some Christians just don't do what they are supposed to do. I can do it. Why can't they?" You want to know what this type of thinking does? It makes you feel good about yourself, because you think you are sinning less than other people. You think you are in a place of more godliness and that allows you to dictate to other people what you think that godliness should look like. This was my thinking and it is a lie straight from the "Pit of Hell" (Shout out Buster Brown).

Never mind that Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," or the fact that Paul says, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all" (1 Tim 1:15). How can I go around saying things like, "Oh I'm not that bad," when the greatest missionary to have ever have lived says he is the worst sinner of them ALL?! He is not saying I was the worst sinner of them all, and then Christ came to save me. He says I AM the worst! I mean you want to talk about a Godly dude, Paul wrote 75% of the New Testament! Think of one of those Chuck Norris jokes/facts and if you replace Chuck's name with the Apostle Paul it totally works! Example- The Apostle Paul doesn't pray for sick people. He tells them to stop being sick (of course because of the Holy Spirit...gota stay theologically sound).

I think I have made my point. This was a deadly lie that hindered my faith for so long. And I still struggle with it! Whether you're sinning or "not" sinning this mindset never leads you to repentance. If you are sinning you just think that your sins are not as bad as everyone else's. If you are "not" sinning and feeling all holy then you still think your better than everyone else. You see people who don't think they are sick don't go to the doctor. Why would you? So, how did I realize I was sick?

Only by the initiating love of God and Him pulling me out of my comfort, could I be in place to sit and listen (this is why meditation time is so crucial to our relationship with Him!). I had a lot of alone time to think, read and pray. I began praying, "Lord, show me more of You. Show me more of Your love and grace." Well, He did. But I had prayed this before! Why didn't He reveal this to me before I was all alone? I believe it's because I wasn't chosing Him over my life. Now I had to. But then again why would I go to the doctor if I wasn't sick? It's the vicious cycle that He broke for me so He could reveal more of Him.

God revealed more of Him first by revealing more of my sin. He showed me that my sin habit was more like the elder brother (if you want to know more about what that looks like, read The Prodigal God and The Bible). Essentially, it's all about what I can do in my relationship with God. I can stop sinning with my will. I will lead a Bible study because I have read a lot of books. Trust me, there are far more "I" statements. It wasn't till He showed me why I was doing these things that I saw a glimpse of the depth of my sin.

It was because I wanted the party. I wanted to be recognized. I wanted the blessings and gifts of the Father, but not Him. As soon as I looked at the reasons behind everything I did, I realized oh my gosh I am so sinful. I remember the feeling. I was driving and thinking of all these things and why I did them. I couldn't stop the instinctive motive behind any of it! It was all for myself and nothing was for Him! I got to the point where I said, "AGHH! I CAN'T STOP IT!" ...then He wispered, "You don't have to. My Son died for you so you wouldn't have to. Let me show you how far the East is from the West."

At that point Christ showed me just a glimpse of how wretched I am and how much He loves me, and I became melted and moved at the cost it took to save my sinful soul. I became a new creation.

I will go into greater detail of that cost and what HE did in my next message and the amazing illogicality of why would He die for my name, even though it's like I yell, "Crucify Him, crucify Him," everytime I ideolize something other than Him.