All of life is repentance (turning to Him)

"To find God we must repent of the things we have done wrong, but if that is all you do, you may remain just an elder brother. To truly become Christians we must also repent of the reasons we ever did anything right." - Tim Keller, Prodigal God

"It is only when you see the desire to be your own Savior and Lord - lying beneath both your sins and your moral goodness - that you are on the verge of understanding the Gospel and becoming a Christian indeed...It's called the new birth because it's so radical." - Tim Keller, Prodigal God

Do you want to know what I used to say and think? I used to say, "Ya know, I think some people just sin less than others." What? "Yea, I mean look at how some Christians just don't do what they are supposed to do. I can do it. Why can't they?" You want to know what this type of thinking does? It makes you feel good about yourself, because you think you are sinning less than other people. You think you are in a place of more godliness and that allows you to dictate to other people what you think that godliness should look like. This was my thinking and it is a lie straight from the "Pit of Hell" (Shout out Buster Brown).

Never mind that Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," or the fact that Paul says, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all" (1 Tim 1:15). How can I go around saying things like, "Oh I'm not that bad," when the greatest missionary to have ever have lived says he is the worst sinner of them ALL?! He is not saying I was the worst sinner of them all, and then Christ came to save me. He says I AM the worst! I mean you want to talk about a Godly dude, Paul wrote 75% of the New Testament! Think of one of those Chuck Norris jokes/facts and if you replace Chuck's name with the Apostle Paul it totally works! Example- The Apostle Paul doesn't pray for sick people. He tells them to stop being sick (of course because of the Holy Spirit...gota stay theologically sound).

I think I have made my point. This was a deadly lie that hindered my faith for so long. And I still struggle with it! Whether you're sinning or "not" sinning this mindset never leads you to repentance. If you are sinning you just think that your sins are not as bad as everyone else's. If you are "not" sinning and feeling all holy then you still think your better than everyone else. You see people who don't think they are sick don't go to the doctor. Why would you? So, how did I realize I was sick?

Only by the initiating love of God and Him pulling me out of my comfort, could I be in place to sit and listen (this is why meditation time is so crucial to our relationship with Him!). I had a lot of alone time to think, read and pray. I began praying, "Lord, show me more of You. Show me more of Your love and grace." Well, He did. But I had prayed this before! Why didn't He reveal this to me before I was all alone? I believe it's because I wasn't chosing Him over my life. Now I had to. But then again why would I go to the doctor if I wasn't sick? It's the vicious cycle that He broke for me so He could reveal more of Him.

God revealed more of Him first by revealing more of my sin. He showed me that my sin habit was more like the elder brother (if you want to know more about what that looks like, read The Prodigal God and The Bible). Essentially, it's all about what I can do in my relationship with God. I can stop sinning with my will. I will lead a Bible study because I have read a lot of books. Trust me, there are far more "I" statements. It wasn't till He showed me why I was doing these things that I saw a glimpse of the depth of my sin.

It was because I wanted the party. I wanted to be recognized. I wanted the blessings and gifts of the Father, but not Him. As soon as I looked at the reasons behind everything I did, I realized oh my gosh I am so sinful. I remember the feeling. I was driving and thinking of all these things and why I did them. I couldn't stop the instinctive motive behind any of it! It was all for myself and nothing was for Him! I got to the point where I said, "AGHH! I CAN'T STOP IT!" ...then He wispered, "You don't have to. My Son died for you so you wouldn't have to. Let me show you how far the East is from the West."

At that point Christ showed me just a glimpse of how wretched I am and how much He loves me, and I became melted and moved at the cost it took to save my sinful soul. I became a new creation.

I will go into greater detail of that cost and what HE did in my next message and the amazing illogicality of why would He die for my name, even though it's like I yell, "Crucify Him, crucify Him," everytime I ideolize something other than Him.