"I came to save. You want to play?"

The title of this post comes from a new pastor I have been listening to named Matt Chandler. He is a 34 year old lead pastor at The Village Church in Dallas, and sounds like Dane Cook and John Piper put together (Hilarious and extremely convicting at the same time). At the time of listening to this sermon, I was feeling like I was coming off the "spiritual high" I had been on the last few months. I put spiritual high in quotes because I really don't like to call it a spiritual high. It sounds like this realization that my sin is crucified with Christ and the cost it took to do that will only last another few months or something. I don't know about you, but I am not going to set myself up to fail. Sure, I might forget these things if I stop spending time with Him. Godliness doesn't just happen to fall in our laps. It is pursued actively. We are always swimming up stream in this tolerant culture.

Basically, this feeling was telling me there is something on top of realizing my sin nature, seeing the love of Christ, and finding the communion with Him given to me. What else could there be?! I know that's what I was thinking, but God was about to show me. It was this:

The Cross saves us FROM something, and the Resurrection saves us TO something.

Um what did you say? I have never had something just completely stare me in the face but was so unable to see it. I was unable to see it because I was making my relationship with Christ about me! Some of you are like umm duuuhhh Jason, you know Christ did defeat death right? Well of course I know that, but again was I living it? No. Am I living it now? Of course not as much as I should be, but I hope I'm on the right path.

I will describe my conundrum (I spelled that right the first try) like this: I was so caught up in the crucifixion of my sin, that I forgot about the resurrection of my body! Focusing on what Christ did and what I didn't do in my salvation is such an awesome place to be, and in no way am I saying the state I was in for the past few months is place we should never be. I think we should preach ourselves the Gospel everyday! However, let us do that, but then be empowered by it! It is the fuel of our mission. The resurrection of our body is telling us something. This world matters. If God is has made me a new person and is making my friends and family new also, He is probably doing a lot more than that. I get so stuck in myself and my sin problems and then how Christ redeems me. Notice the most common word in that last sentence. ME, MYSELF, MY SIN. This continual mentality turns my relationship with Christ into a self-help process.

Matt Chandler describes it like this: God says, "I came to save. Do you want to play?" There is something about this statement that just makes me want to scream, YES! I see it like we have been at preseason practice for the last few months and it is almost time for the season to start. The coach comes into the arena and says who wants to play? This is what we have been working for! But the awesome thing is God has already won the game. Wait if He already won the game, why do we have to play? Because we love Him and this is what He created us for! Even though the game is won He still wants us to play! It's the only thing that will fufill the hunger that we have been developing over preseason! (Not to mention that He has commanded us to do so)

So what is the game? The game is to make our world new. The human race has been trying to do this in everyway possible (vaccinations, the Green cause and almost anything to better ourselves). What I think is hilarious is if evolution is the mode of life, then why are we trying to save the weak? We should let the natural world kill off the weak! Are we doing this? No, because that is "inhumane." Where do you think this feeling came from? It is how God created us! We already intrinsinctly implainted with His mission. This world matters, and the Creator of everything and nothing wants us to be apart of the renewing of not only ourselves but the renewing of everything sin has infected. The Apostle John gives us something to work towards:

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the first heaven and the first earth passed, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adornded for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, 'Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.' And He who sits on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new' And He said, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true.' " Revelation 21:1-5

This doesn't start when we die and go to Heaven. This started when sin entered the world, and I need to get in the game.

The Cost of My Life

"Either as elder brothers or as younger brothers we have rebelled against the father. We deserve alienation, isolation, and rejection. The point of the parable is that forgiveness always involves a price - someone has to pay... Our true elder brother paid our debt, on the cross, in our place. There Jesus was stripped naked of his robe and dignity so that we could be clothed with a dignity and standing we don't deserve. On the cross Jesus was treated as an outcast so that we could be brought into God's family freely by grace. There Jesus drank the cup of eternal justice so that we might have the cup of the Father's joy." - Tim Keller, The Prodigal God

I watched The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (LW&W) on Saturday morning before I started the rainy weekend. Besides the typical inaccuracies that are a given when watching movies that are based off books, The Chronicles of Narnia movies do a sufficient job of keeping to the story and theme of the novels. Even though they may add complete new scenes or take away others, whenever Aslan is present in the film it is identical to what happens in the book. This is awesome to me, because almost anything Aslan says or does can be backed up with scripture.

So Edmund, the younger brother who is considered a traitor because he helped the white witch, has been rescued by Aslan's troops and brought to be reunited with his brother and sisters. Shortly thereafter the White Witch comes to claim the traitor. She says, "You know that every traitor belongs to me as my lawful prey and that for every treachery I have a right to a kill." This is the law of the Deep Magic created at the beginning of everything that Alsan himself was a part of. She continues to say, "He (Aslan) knows that unless I have blood as the Law says all Narnia will be overturned and perish in fire and water."

My favorite part of the dialogue is when Susan (the older sister) asks, "Can't we do something about the Deep Magic? Isn't there something you can work against it?" The response in the book is this:

"Work against the Emperor's Magic?" Said Aslan turning to her with something like a frown on his face. And nobody ever made that suggestion to him again.

What an incredible set of events C.S. Lewis has provided for us in his book. First is the demand that the Law or Deep Magic must be kept and fulfilled. You mean to tell me that the most powerful perfect being ever known cannot change the law or "work against it?" If He created it why can't He amend it? What I love is that, Susan along with the rest of the human race wants to perform works to appease the law. This is not how God made it. John 1 says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." God doesn't change Himself. He is perfect. The Law that is found in the Word is perfect, because it is God's will.

This debate in LW&W demonstrates the fact that we have sinned and rebelled against the Law and God, and someone HAS to pay. You might say well it wasn't us that sinned against God and therefore we weren't the cause of His wrath. We may think because we weren't present before the crucifixion it doesn't apply to us. This is completely wrong. Not only are we sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, but He knew us before we were formed in our mother's womb. He knows the sins we are going to commit against Him today and what we are going to do against Him tomorrow.

The next events I noticed in the movie cemented just how costly our lives really are. Aslan speaks with the witch alone, and all of us familiar with the story know what he did. He agreed to take Edmund's place on the Stone Table, where he would be killed to fulfill the laws of the Deep Magic. This, however, is not yet revealed to us in the movie. What is revealed to the audience is the shear sadness and depression painted all over the lion's face. I don't know how they made a computer-generated lion look so completely miserable and hopeless, but they did.

This is the picture I missed for so long. I'll tell you where I went wrong. My thinking, which I describe as unconsciously lazy and unwilling, basically used to say, "Jesus is God, so He already knew what was going to happen, and therefore it was easier for Him to die for us." I don't think I ever used this as an excuse or even knew I thought it, but it was definitely an underlining tone of my theology.

This is not the case in any sense. There was NOTHING easy about the cross. Jesus was God, but He was made man. He had all the same emotions I have. He is completely man and completely God. This is impossible sounding, but that's who Christ is. Even though He had the knowledge of God and had the big picture, He still didn't want to be physically whipped and tortured. He didn't want to be nailed to a cross, where His shear body weight would nearly suffocate Him from hanging for so long. But the physical torture is not even close to what He was dreading the most.

Not only did God as a man have to face the torture and suffering of this world, but He had to face the wrath of God. If the answer to those who God punishes is Hell, and Hell is a state or place without the love and communion of God, and Christ screams, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" then Jesus, the only perfect man who never sinned against His God, was taken into a state of Hell and died like that.

Imagine that you did nothing wrong your whole life, and you had this wonderful family who loved you so much, and you loved them so much. You spent all your time together and knew each other so well you were almost one person. Now imagine that you become sick, but you don't feel sick at all. You are totally fine, but yet you are still dying and you know your time is ending. However, the family you were so close to is nowhere to be found. Not only are they nowhere to be found, but you know that they are ashamed of your sickness. They hate the sickness. They want nothing to do with you or the sickness that you don't even feel! You only feel the shame of the sickness. You long for them to tell you they love you and that they will stand by your side as you die, but they never do. You die completely and utterly alone.

When Jesus says, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death (Mat 26:38)," I think I can barely understand what He is going through. He knows He is about to lose the love and communion with His Father, who He has spent His WHOLE life worshiping and adoring. Because of the sin of this world we can never understand the relationship Christ had with His Father, and not until we meet Him face to face will we even have a taste of that relationship. And this chance one day to dwell in our Father's house is what Christ accomplished for us when He chose to die and lose everything He ever knew.

If we accept that Christ completely died on our behalf and that because of Him and only Him we have a bridge to our Father, He will NEVER look at us with shame that we deserve. He will NEVER leave us to live or die alone. He will NEVER let our sickness take prisoner of our lives. He will ALWAYS call us His children. He will ALWAYS look at us in adoration. He will ALWAYS love us even though we will worship things other than Him.

I recently came upon this verse:

"I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said, 'Here am I, here am I,' to a nation which did not call on My name. I have SPREAD out My hands all day long to a rebellious people, who walk in the way which is not good, following their own thoughts." Isaiah 65:1,2

This is what Christ did for us. He spread out His hands on the cross for a people who hated him for no reason. Someone had to pay, and Christ did it willingly and lovingly.

All of life is repentance (turning to Him)

"To find God we must repent of the things we have done wrong, but if that is all you do, you may remain just an elder brother. To truly become Christians we must also repent of the reasons we ever did anything right." - Tim Keller, Prodigal God

"It is only when you see the desire to be your own Savior and Lord - lying beneath both your sins and your moral goodness - that you are on the verge of understanding the Gospel and becoming a Christian indeed...It's called the new birth because it's so radical." - Tim Keller, Prodigal God

Do you want to know what I used to say and think? I used to say, "Ya know, I think some people just sin less than others." What? "Yea, I mean look at how some Christians just don't do what they are supposed to do. I can do it. Why can't they?" You want to know what this type of thinking does? It makes you feel good about yourself, because you think you are sinning less than other people. You think you are in a place of more godliness and that allows you to dictate to other people what you think that godliness should look like. This was my thinking and it is a lie straight from the "Pit of Hell" (Shout out Buster Brown).

Never mind that Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," or the fact that Paul says, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all" (1 Tim 1:15). How can I go around saying things like, "Oh I'm not that bad," when the greatest missionary to have ever have lived says he is the worst sinner of them ALL?! He is not saying I was the worst sinner of them all, and then Christ came to save me. He says I AM the worst! I mean you want to talk about a Godly dude, Paul wrote 75% of the New Testament! Think of one of those Chuck Norris jokes/facts and if you replace Chuck's name with the Apostle Paul it totally works! Example- The Apostle Paul doesn't pray for sick people. He tells them to stop being sick (of course because of the Holy Spirit...gota stay theologically sound).

I think I have made my point. This was a deadly lie that hindered my faith for so long. And I still struggle with it! Whether you're sinning or "not" sinning this mindset never leads you to repentance. If you are sinning you just think that your sins are not as bad as everyone else's. If you are "not" sinning and feeling all holy then you still think your better than everyone else. You see people who don't think they are sick don't go to the doctor. Why would you? So, how did I realize I was sick?

Only by the initiating love of God and Him pulling me out of my comfort, could I be in place to sit and listen (this is why meditation time is so crucial to our relationship with Him!). I had a lot of alone time to think, read and pray. I began praying, "Lord, show me more of You. Show me more of Your love and grace." Well, He did. But I had prayed this before! Why didn't He reveal this to me before I was all alone? I believe it's because I wasn't chosing Him over my life. Now I had to. But then again why would I go to the doctor if I wasn't sick? It's the vicious cycle that He broke for me so He could reveal more of Him.

God revealed more of Him first by revealing more of my sin. He showed me that my sin habit was more like the elder brother (if you want to know more about what that looks like, read The Prodigal God and The Bible). Essentially, it's all about what I can do in my relationship with God. I can stop sinning with my will. I will lead a Bible study because I have read a lot of books. Trust me, there are far more "I" statements. It wasn't till He showed me why I was doing these things that I saw a glimpse of the depth of my sin.

It was because I wanted the party. I wanted to be recognized. I wanted the blessings and gifts of the Father, but not Him. As soon as I looked at the reasons behind everything I did, I realized oh my gosh I am so sinful. I remember the feeling. I was driving and thinking of all these things and why I did them. I couldn't stop the instinctive motive behind any of it! It was all for myself and nothing was for Him! I got to the point where I said, "AGHH! I CAN'T STOP IT!" ...then He wispered, "You don't have to. My Son died for you so you wouldn't have to. Let me show you how far the East is from the West."

At that point Christ showed me just a glimpse of how wretched I am and how much He loves me, and I became melted and moved at the cost it took to save my sinful soul. I became a new creation.

I will go into greater detail of that cost and what HE did in my next message and the amazing illogicality of why would He die for my name, even though it's like I yell, "Crucify Him, crucify Him," everytime I ideolize something other than Him.

Being pursued by a relentless lover...

"So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him."
-Luke 15:20

"But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him."
-Luke 15:28

These two verses show the depth and persistence of the Father's initiating love. Not only do they demonstrate how the Father treats the sinner but also the moralist. If you don't know the context of these verses I encourage you to read Luke 15. It is commonly called the Prodigal Son, but Tim Keller says to treat this story as only about one son would be missing the message completely. You see, the Father pursues both sons. In the first verse it is to the son who spits in his face when he asked him for his inheritance, and in the second verse it is to the son who spits in his face because he only wants the party for himself and not the relationship with the Father. This parable was not only written for the tax collectors (sinners) but also for the Pharisees (moralists), and it is by far my most favorite passage in the Bible. I wish I could go through every single message it contains, but I would be doing the text a severe injustice. Instead, I will recount how the Father pursued me and captured my heart.

As most of you know I left the place I called home for 21 years in the beginning of this year. I left everything that had defined me for most of my life, but especially the last four years. In Charleston I had fellowship and a support system that was the best I had ever had. The people I shared my life with were literally a part of who I was. Why the heck would I have left all that? Flat out, I needed a career and God provided that for me. Leaving was not as hard as I thought mainly because my girlfriend at the time and a few other friends were planning to move close to where I would be. But, three weeks into my new life, the relationship I had ended and things were not looking promising. A brief side note about relationships and me: I have always had them. It is not something I'm proud about, and it is the crux of a lot of sin in my life. The main one is needing the comfort and feeling of being loved by a female (no Mom, you didn't neglect me as a child). So, for that relationship to have ended when I had no friends or family physically around me for support was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, especially because I had convinced myself that I was going to marry this person.

The good things that God had intended all these relationships to be in my life had become ultimate things. Because God is the only infinite entity we have in our whole being, all other things will end at some point besides Him. And just like that the finite aspects of my life were changing and ending because that's just what they do.

Know this though, these things do not just end because that is their nature. The God of our existence has complete and ultimate control of the fixations of this world. So when I say that the most important aspects of my life were taken away, I mean that God either took them away or allowed them to be taken away. This however is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I praise and thank Him everyday for it.

It is the most amazing thing to me. The infinite God of all things loves me so much, that He would change everything most important to me just so that He could bring me closer to His heart. And then to know from scripture that He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7) and doesn't want me to suffer makes me even more joyful. On top of that, this is only a circumstantial demonstration of His love. The ultimate demonstration of His love was letting His Son die in our place. I will write about how this changed my heart later on.

This is what I believe Keller to mean when he says we need the initiating love of God. I'm not saying that we have to sit and wait for Him to make the move, because the fact of the matter is, He has already made the move. What He did on the cross forever bridged us to Him. It's just so amazing to me that He is willing to do more in our lives on top of that! You see I identify with the Elder brother. A lot of my life can be described by the verse as "not willing to go in." I was only a God-fearing man because I hoped for the life God was going to give me. Essentially I, like the elder brother, obeyed God for His things and not for Himself. The Father loves me too much to let me lead that life. I know this because, He CAME out and PLEADED to me!

The next post will explain how the initiating love of God lead me to the repentance of not only the sins in my life, but of the "good" things I do and the motives behind them.

Becoming a Christ loving Christian

"...I used to be driven by my fear of God. I also used to work hard to prove that I was committed to God. Now I have tremendous fear and awe of God, but that doesn't motivate me. Now I work hard to serve God, but it isn't to prove my devotion. Now I think I'm actually in love. Maybe that sounds corny to you, but I can't think of a more appropriate way to say it."
-Francis Chan, Crazy Love

"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."
-Matthew 13:44 (NASB)

I used to read the above quotes and think to myself how does that happen? Why am I not in love with God? I have even heard myself say, "Ya know, it's the logic and reason of Christianity that makes me the most excited about it." I remember the time and place I said that and the look that my best friend Leland gave to me after it was said. At the time I couldn't have told you why he looked at me like that, but I knew from his face that he was not thrilled. Basically, the motives and things I used to do "for God" were fueled by the fact that Christianity was the most logical religion, most compelling story, and most culturally accepted lifestyle. I'll even use an illustration from one of my favorite movies, Transformers, to explain what I mean.

In the movie, these Transformers or Autobots could change from a regular looking SUV to a three story high, monster-robot that could pretty much do anything. I mean these things had cannons, grenade launchers, lasers, roller blades, sounds systems, nuclear reactors, and the list just keeps going. You can see why every male on this planet might be obsessed with this movie. Anyway, there was one thing that gave these robots life, personality, and a mission. It was called the Allspark (I really don't care how dorky I sound right now). Literally without this "spark" these machines would be the car you drive or an interestingly shaped, awesome, metal, sculpture.

Well, that's what I was (If any of you ladies described me as an interestingly shaped, awesome, metal, sculpture, I could definitely be okay with that. That's a joke). I was someone who had read Christian books that helped me explain my faith, someone who had Christian friends to approve of my faith and was baptized to pubplically acknowledge my faith. I was even someone who went to church his whole life, which is a culturally-made proof in itself more often than not. You see, I had the weapons, the gadgets, and the metal body (Joke again), but I did not have the spark. I couldn't tell you why you should become a Christian other than reasoning you into it. Now I'm not saying God was totally not present in my life, because He was definitely there. Dear Jesus only knows where I could have been without Him, but I will tell you this, I was not a Christ loving Christian.

My pastor always says, "Christians are people who love Jesus!" It's so simple but so profound. You see, a Christ loving Christian is someone who knows Christ crucified. Now what the heck does that mean? I will expound upon this statement on the posts to come. Tim Keller has a sermon that explains the process I went through and the process I have to go through every day to find the true Lover of my soul. His teaching has been extremely instrumental in the changing of my faith. His teaching and the process I went through to see the glimpse* of Christ Crucified is this:

1. We need the initiating love of God
2. We need to repent of not only our sins but the good things we do and the motives behind them.
3. We need to be melted and moved by what it cost for Christ to die on the cross, so that we could be brought into eternal communion with the God of all things (I like this one the best)

Stay tuned. I will tell you just how God found me.

*I say glimpse because the Love of Christ is so nourishing and powerful, that I should never become bored or content with what He is revealing to me. If I do, it is because I am idolizing things other than Him. That is why this is titled "BECOMING a Christ loving Christian." With Him there is always more!

The Foundation of My Foundation

'Grace to me Glory to Him' is the title of this blog because in the past few months I have, for the first time, seen a glimpse of how sinful I am and how loved I am. The title comes from the Pastor of my church, Rev. Paul Kim of Renewal Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (www.renewalchurch.org). The two phrases he uses almost at every service to bring us back to the Gospel are these:

'Grace to me... Glory to God...All because of Jesus Christ.'

'We are so much more sinful than we think, but we are so much more loved than we can ever imagine.'

I don't know if he came up with these on his own, but they have been instrumental in bringing me back to the Cross. For much of the beginning of this blog, I may be recounting the experiences and thoughts I have had since moving away from my beautiful home of Charleston. Trust me, due to a lot of alone time I have a lot of them. Keeping with the theme of this blog, every entry will contain at least two components: how I messed up and how Christ fixed it. I will probably throw in a few random weird things also, because that's just who I am. My goal is to be brutally honest about the things I struggle with and what I think our culture struggles with. I hope to have the most Biblical responses to these struggles along with what Christ has done on the cross to fix everything. I am not a scholar but I am confident in the Holy Spirit and what He has revealed to me. Stay tuned...

PS: I shared the slightly disturbing and abnormal scenario for the first entry because it is totally, utterly, and completely not about anything I have done, but what He has done.

He had to be the substitute...

What would you say to the following scenario: Your first born child is going to suffer from a lifelong disease that will cause much pain and hardship. God says, “I can allow you to suffer the rest of your life with this condition and spare your child.” Would you do it?

Luckily this is not something that any of us will have to face, but I ask this question because I didn’t at once say yes when I thought of it. I hope it is because I don’t really know the joys of having children. I suspect it is because part of me is flesh, selfish and unable to sympathize with the sick and suffering as much as I would like. This scenario and question had original pointed me to the Cross and how Christ chose suffering as I realized how hard it would be to choose this on someone else’s behalf. I was uneasy for two reasons. The first was the fact that the scenario only touches the surface of the God-man’s suffering. The second was the actual act of what Jesus did on the cross.

There is something wrong with this offer to spare our child to eliminate the eternal suffering waiting for them. We first have to ask ourselves, how can the least amount of lives be spared by the suffering of this destructive disease? As humans we have only two options to the scenario in question: to take on the suffering of our child, or to allow our child to suffer. Right, we’ve talked about this enough already. The point, no matter which we chose, is that there will always be at least two souls, lives, or persons affected by the disease.

If we allow our child to go through the life of suffering, we are at the same time going through the same if not more suffering. By watching the life of your first born being tormented by the death and decay that sin brought into the world, we will not only be spectators but victims. Because this person will never have the life that we wanted for them, it will cause us to suffer along with our beloved.

Well, let’s just take on the suffering so that we are the only one to be victims of death and decay. Impossible. Just like our child was our beloved, we are also someone’s beloved. I apologize for having the opinion that every one of us should be loved by at least one person. Because of the sin in this world I know this appears to not be the case. You may not feel like you are loved by someone, but I will guarantee, if you had a part in the creation of another human being you would have a deep, unavoidable bond to this life. Just because you may not feel loved, does not mean that the person in question has abandoned the profound and mysterious love that was present at the beginning of your life.

Fortunately I have been blessed with two of the most loving humans I have ever known as my parents. This is the basis and viewpoint for the statement that we are loved by at least one other life. So, I choose the suffering of my child to be imparted to me, but by doing this I become the suffering child. I have to watch my parents’ lives be torn apart by the death and decay that I have chosen to consume me. This may be an exaggeration of reality, but still, at least two lives are victims of the disease.

The flaw of this scenario solidifies the fact that only God could take on the suffering of the human race. He is Three in One. He is both the Father and the Son. He sent Himself to take on the death and decay that would have been imparted to us. Philippians 2:4-11(NASB) has more than perfectly laid this out for us:

Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those who are in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

He did this so that only He would be the one to suffer. He suffered as the parent and as the child. The suffering, death and disease of this world would have just kept transferring from generation to generation. It could never be stopped by someone who was created but only by the Creator.